Words

I feel like I am completely inundated by words. Words surround me every waking moment of my day.

I have gotten into the unfortunate habit of checking my phone for e-mail, text messages and Facebook updates the moment I wake up. So I begin my day with words.

I look on Facebook and see endless, seemingly powerful words and they draw me in. I don’t want to “ruin a good day by thinking about a bad day yesterday” and Yes! I want to “let it go”! I want to click and see what the color of my urine says about my health and learn about the 10 easy tricks to save me from disease so that I can “live long enough to visit the absolute #1 place I must visit in my life”. Then, perhaps, I can “be in love with my life every minute of it”. “Because the meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of it is to give it away.”

I can’t even get through the store without more words! Words of every sort have even become a design element painted on a wooden board so it stands up on its own. Funny phrases, serious ways of living. “Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.” “Your spark can become a flame that changes everything.” “I’d give up chocolate but I’m not a quitter.” “Beware of dog kisses.” Set on a shelf “et wallah”. Instant word décor.

We’ve been so focused on words as a society that even the tattoo fashion has moved from mostly images to lots of words.

After 5 minutes on Facebook or walking around the mall I feel like I’m having a spiritual/personal crisis. What should I believe? Who should I be? How can I be more like the smart people on Facebook who have it all figured out? I should really work more humor into my every day. Why can’t I remember jokes or be one of those people who always have a funny quip at every turn? I can get spiritual whiplash going from inspirational quote to inspirational quote and then feeling exhausted because I’m not where I want to be.

I have come to the point where I need some word grounding. Over the last few months I’ve taken to reading like nobody’s business. I have told myself that it’s because there are a lot of things I want to learn but I wonder if it isn’t because I need to flood myself with words of my choosing.

So while I’ve been flooding myself with words in books, I’ve also been considering them quite a bit. What I’ve noticed is the concreteness of words. A well-constructed sentence doesn’t leave much room for interpretation. I find that the most harmful words come from my own monkey mind. I have an experience and then I tell myselfhow it was for me, how I could have done it better, why I’m not good enough and why everything may be ruined! (My monkey mind is not so forgiving most of the time.)

The need for fluidity and away from the concreteness and certainty of words has been blindingly apparent as of late. When I’m experiencing something beautiful or am seeing the joy on my daughter’s face, I can be certain to disrupt that feeling with the stream of words flowing through my mind. But it’s feeling the feeling that is the most authentic and brings me the most joy. When I can sit in the beauty of life around me without the narrative, that is when I feel the most at peace.

As the year comes to a close, I hesitate to make any grand resolutions but for today, I’m going to learn to sit in the emotion and calm the words. I’m going to experience the authentic and then cherish it without analyzing and molding it into something entirely different in my mind. Today I’m going to practice meditation to help calm the words and let my authentic self blossom. Just for today I will relinquish the words and feel peace. Tomorrow has yet to come.

Wishing you a many moments of peace.